Hey faithful friends! Remember when I used to do these "blogs" regularly?? Ah, those simple days when I had free time between releases to share my thoughts with you…. I believe that was 3 years ago… (Or in SlapstickStuff terms…. 60 volumes!!)
And it's too bad, because I've had a number of great shoots and interesting stories over that time frame. Just this year alone, I've worked with some incredible first-timers: Victoria, Shauna (AKA The MILP), Erica, Jess…. And that's just the first six months! So why single out Abby from this crowd? Well, a variety of reasons, but here's the main one: I really like this model, and I think her shoot exceeded all my expectations…. But I'm not 100% sure her appeal will translate as "easily" as some of these other new faces.
To wit: Victoria = Classic beauty with classic reactions. Shauna = Hot mom getting messy. Erica = Ridiculous body. Jess = Super tiny, super fit. These are all easy summations, right?
But Abby is a bit trickier. Super petite, but curvy. Super cute, but with that "model smolder." Girl-next-door vibe, but willing (and eager?) to show a LOT of skin. Throughout the shoot, she reminded me of various other models in various different ways: Taylor, our current Super Sexy Girl-Next-Door. Original Britney, from SS13 (!!)…. AKA the Original Petite Brunette Unfazed By Everything. Final Britney (SS101/105) and all her spot-on reactions. I even got a bit of a Gillian Jacobs (from Community) vibe at points. (That last one might just be me.)
So let me sum up Abby with one single (true) story that set the tone for the entire shoot. And to put this in context, understand that you guys don't see a LOT of what goes on behind-the-scenes trying to put these shoots together. (Because no one wants to know how the sausage gets made.) I deal with a lot of rejections…. A lot of flakes who waste my time… And a LOT of divas. Sometimes the diva flakes while sitting at the gate, about to board a flight I already paid for. (That happened.) Sometimes the diva flakes after one scene, despite our agreement to shoot for a full 8-hour day. (That happened.) And sometimes the diva goes along with the shoot, but still kinda fights it along the way, and complains about it afterwards. (That happened, and it was Vanessa, and you guys bought the HELL out of her stuff, so divas aren't all bad…)
I booked Abby knowing (hoping?) she wasn't diva material, but even so…. Models have surprised me over the years, in both good and bad ways. So when I got a text from her the morning of her flight, I feared the worst. And then when it began, "Sorry, I was in the hospital all last night…." C'MON. 99% of the time, this shoot is DEAD, and you can't even be mad at the model for it. (Bonafide Medical Emergency = Absolute Legit Excuse for Cancelling.) But then her text went on: "So I won't be bringing that bikini you wanted, because my boyfriend packed my bag for me and he couldn't find it."
Yep. I was about to shoot with a model so Anti-Diva, she spent the night in the hospital and STILL made the flight because she didn't want to cancel on me.
Right then, I knew we'd have a great shoot. And guess what? I wasn't wrong! Despite working on no sleep (night in the hospital, remember?), Abby was ready to go within hours (and one meal and one shower) of touching down. The wardrobe her boyfriend packed? Basically worthless. (She had a couple nice dry-clean-only dresses that I didn't want to ruin… One pair of red heels, and… Not much else.) But my closet full of basically ridiculous tiny bikinis? No problem. Six scenes in 24 hours? No problem. More pies and slime and cake than any model has taken in her debut shoot since… the standard-def era?? No problem!!
We shot over two days, and not once did Abby complain about… anything. No issues with her hair, her eyes, her multiple showers, her insane wardrobe, her random slips…. (I'm not saying she "loosened up," since she was pretty chill from the get-go, but there were a LOT more slips on Day Two.) Her very first hit was almost "ruined" because she was laughing so hard, she dropped out of the Closeup frame… which, to be fair, is a pretty awesome way to "ruin" a hit. She also "got it" as quickly as any model I've seen…. The shocked reaction, the "angry wipe," the "can you believe this is happening?" look…. She had 'em all by Scene One. My favorite part? She developed this adorable habit where she would let out a little squeal upon impact…. And then another gasp once the pie/cake damage was done. Perfect slapstick, and the best part? She later confessed, "I started doing that to keep from laughing. Otherwise I would've laughed every single time!"
So now, Dear Reader, perhaps you understand why I chose Abby to resurrect this blog. How many girls-next-door get this much enjoyment out of getting this many pies to the face? How many will keep scenes going for a good 10 minutes after the fact, just to keep getting messy? (Or because their butt was too clean and needed some slime pies??) How many would finish a two-day six-scene shoot… and be talking about booking the NEXT one on the way to the airport? For now… Just one.
Will my endorsement of Abby sway you in any way? Hard to say…. You folks have more options than ever, and I know from experience that Difficult Models often sell amazingly well, while Models Who Are A Joy To Work With sometimes don't. But in a perfect world, the "sexy slapstick" crowd and the "fun slapstick" contingent would love Abby equally. We'll see what happens. But I'm pretty sure anyone watching the footage will instantly know that I had a blast, and she had a blast, and c'mon… Isn't that already the definition of a successful shoot?

-August 8, 2018