GIRL 1: So I just read these lines right here? That's it?

GIRL 2: Oh yeah, it's REALLY easy. You'll have no trouble with it at all.

GIRL 1: Are you sure you don't want to say some of the lines?

GIRL 2: Oh no… I've DEFINITELY done this skit before. I'll just stand over here and… observe. [chuckles to herself]

GIRL 1: Okay, whatever. Ahem. Pies in the face have long been a staple of slapstick comedy. But some of you may be confused about the DIFFERENT types of pies in the face. So let me help you out. First up is the "Unexpected Pie In The Face," which comes… [gets pied by GIRL 2]… when you least… expect it. Hey, what'd you do that for?

GIRL 2: Well, it says it right here in the script: "Narrator gets pied unexpectedly." Just helping out!

GIRL 1: Yeah, thanks a lot! Look, let me just read this next line. Ahem. A recent popular variation is the "Pie Smear." This is just like a normal pie hit… [gets pied again by GIRL 2, who then deliberately smears the pie around her face]… except… for the smearing.

GIRL 2: I never knew how much fun this skit was!!

GIRL 1: Yeah… I bet! Excuse me, director? [DIRECTOR walks over to GIRL 1, who whispers something in his ear. DIRECTOR nods and returns off camera.]

GIRL 1: [smiling to GIRL 2] Just clarifying the script. Now, where were we? Oh yes… Next up is the "Pie Interruption," which usually occurs when an actor is reading a line… [GIRL 2 is tapped on the shoulder and turns to get pied from off camera, as GIRL 1 continues reading, oblivious]… only to be interrupted by a pie in the face. Like so. [taps GIRL 2 on her other shoulder, then pies her when she turns]

GIRL 1: [laughing as GIRL 2 clears eyes] You're right! This skit is a lot of fun!

GIRL 2: [angry] Just keep reading!

GIRL 1: Okay. One of my favorites is the "Self Pieing." Allow me to demonstrate. [A pie is handed to her from off camera. She looks at it curiously.]

GIRL 2: What's the problem? Just pie yourself already!!

GIRL 1: Well, it's just that I don't have much experience! Can you give me a few pointers?

GIRL 2: [exasperated] FINE! Just watch and learn! [takes pie and pies herself] See??

GIRL 1: Yeah… I'm still not sure about the technique though…

GIRL 2: Look, it's not brain surgery! It's just hitting yourself with a pie! [pies herself again] Now you try!!

GIRL 1: Okay, do it with me, though??

GIRL 2: Fine! On the count of 3… 1, 2, 3! [GIRL 2 pies herself yet again as GIRL 1 stops at the last minute. GIRL 1 proceeds to laugh hysterically before DIRECTOR comes up behind her and "assists" her in self-pieing herself. Now it's GIRL 2's turn to laugh.]

GIRL 2: You know, now that I'm involved, why don't we try the Pie Sandwich?

GIRL 1: The Pie Sandwich? What's that? [gets pied by GIRL 2 and DIRECTOR simultaneously] Oh. THAT Pie Sandwich.

DIRECTOR: Ooops, I don't think the camera caught that one. We're gonna have to try it again. [GIRL 1 looks at GIRL 2 with an evil grin.]

GIRL 1: Your turn!

GIRL 2: [sadly] Next up… is the Pie Sandwich. Oh no. The Pie Sandwich? What's that? [gets pied by GIRL 1 and DIRECTOR simultaneously] Oh. THAT Pie Sandwich.

GIRL 1: MUCH better!

[GIRLS turn to face each other in profile.]

GIRL 2: Oh yeah? I bet you don't know about the Simultaneous Pieing!

GIRL 1: I bet I do! [Both GIRLS pie each other simultaneously.]

GIRL 2: You know, I don't think you've gotten enough pies during this skit yet. How about THIS one??

GIRL 1: No, you wouldn't.

GIRL 2: I would.

GIRL 1: You couldn't.

GIRL 2: I could.

GIRL 1: You shouldn't.

GIRL 2: I should. [pies GIRL 1]

[GIRL 2 is still laughing when DIRECTOR taps her on the shoulder. She turns around and stops laughing.]

GIRL 2: Oh no, you wouldn't!

D: I would.

GIRL 2: You couldn't.

D: I could.

GIRL 2: You shouldn't.

D: I should. [pies GIRL 2]

GIRL 2: You didn't.

D: I did. [pies GIRL 2]

GIRL 1: You didn't!

D: I did. [pies GIRL 1]

GIRLS: No, you didn't!

D: Yes I did! [pies both GIRLS]

FINALE

GIRL 1: This has been a…. [gets pied]

GIRL 2: This has been a Pie... [gets pied]

GIRL 1: This has been a Pie In …. [gets pied]

GIRL 2: This has been a Pie In The Face…. [gets pied]

GIRLS: This has been a Pie In The Face production!! [pie themselves or each other]